To Eat or Not to Eat...? Thats the question!

So I have gon veg an thats great! I feel great, but not thin. So im not sure what else to do!!!! Im pretty sure i need to fast but ive got to do it when i dont have a lot goin on because while im teaching and dancing, if i dont eat then i get way too dizzy and its not good. I heard of a detox that i could go on an its helpful with sheddin a pound or two...but im just not so sure yet. I wanna lose atleast 10 pounds an then tone up, ugggh decisions!

Happy Valentine's Day!

He intoxicates me with desire
When were together the passion feels like fire
I'm his lady, an he's got me doin things i never do
but he's so damn good to me, he'll forever be my boo
Every time he puts his hands on my body...
i have to smile cuz i know were bout to get naughty
He gets me so hot, we could be on a mountain top
an id still be screaming "Baby, please, don't stop!"
But that's behind closed doors, ill always hold him down
im sure we've got haters, but sorry ill be around for awhile.

Gravity

"Somethin always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
no matter what ill say or do
i still feel you here, til the moment im gone
you hold me without touch
an keep me without chance
ive never wanted anything so much
then to drown in your love and not feel your pain

Set me free, leave me be, i dont want to fall another moment into your gravity
here i am, and i stand, so tall...just the way im suppose to be
but your on to me, an all over me

You loved me because im fragile, an i thought that i was strong, when you touch me for a little while, all my fragile strentgh has gone

I live hear on my knees as i try to make you see that your everything i think i need here on a shrine, youre neither friend or foe though i cant seem to let you go, the one thing that i still know is that youre keepin me....down. Keepin me down....

Youre onto me, youre onto me, an over me....

somethin always brings me back to you...it never takes too long..." ~Sara Barellis

I wanted to share these lyrics because somethin new has occurred. I know that ive been talking to this guy an everything is going great with us but he's away for two weeks doing shit for the army...an its okay...i miss him like crazy but it seems like now thats he's away an we cant text/talk all the time my ex is texting me nonstop....an a lot of feelings are rushing back to me that shouldn't be here....an i hear this song an i feel like this is exactly what were goin through...well on my end. I dont want to be in love with him...he doesnt have those feelings for me anymore an im ready to move on to a guy that clearly really likes me....im still happily talking to the guy as i was in th elast post....but that storm brewin....this just might be the tip of the iceburg...love stinks!

SUPER FAST!

Ive been fasting for exactly...51 hours and 23 minutes. I'm pumped! I feel good, if i just keep sippin on coffee i don't even notice i haven't had any food. I love the feeling i get when i am in control an i can tell food to eff off cuz im not hungry...even though im starving. I love the satisfaction i get declining food when i know i want it, or hearing the rumbling of my tummy, deny my hunger what it craves most...i am finally in control. The fast is suppose to be until Saturday...but if i am still breezing through it i might just continue with my fast an set no limit. School is great, teaching is great...i get a little frustrated because i know my girls have more than what they are giving me but im reminded to take my time with them an dont rush them and teach them the basics first. I did some volunteer work last night, they fely great...everything is sooo right in my life right now it scares me. The storm is always calm before crazy turmoil...an i must be prepared. I have to go to work tonight....that sucks. It's not that i dont like going...its just.....i dont...like going. I did some shoppin recently too! Bought a cute blazer, a pink skirt and a sweater top. AF is having a biiiig sale! Whether you shop there or not id recommend that you hit up the store asap! Im very sleepy...no time to nap though. I want to post some pics that reflect my peaceful mood...i hope you enjoy them. Stay warm! <3 src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Guest/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-8.jpg" alt="">

Reader's Digest Update

Something thats been really bothering me is that whole Mike Vick reality show he's getting. It SERIOUSLY is another technical foul within the black community. WHY does this man deserve his own show???? He was ARRESTED!!!! B.E.T. wth are you thinking??!?! Every nigga that gets locked up isnt Nelson Mandella!!! Mike was WRONG! He was caught an actually shouldve spent more time locked up, an then to get out an get offered a reality show is like a smack in the face. Now every modern day CRIMINAL, because thats what he is, every CRIMINAL will think that the crime was small time. It's a BIG deal!!! Dogs, cats, lizards, they have every right that humans do. I say it loud an i say it proud FUCK MIKE VICK. Im not saying this because im 'playing' big and hard because i am behind a computer screen...ooooh no! Let him step foot anywhere near me an you will hear me share my thoughts with him no different then i am sharing with you. Dogs are sweet loving creatures and are TURNED hateful, just like people are. I would rather lose a limb than to treat my dogs like that damn fool did...Do you all know what goes into dog fighting??? Lemme help clear some things up.

Dogs (usually pit bulls), are fed raw meat, attached to tread mills an forced to run, get steroid injections and get beat, they are placed in a pit to fight other trained dogs that spectators take bets on. The dogs fight til the death which results in one dog being killed, sometimes the losing dog will get shot point blank and even the winning dog can get so injured that it may die from injuried too. WHAT KIND OF SANE PERSON WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT KIND OF TREATMENT?!??! A fuckin moron! I am sooo passionate about animal rights!!! It tears me up inside to know that this exists. Lets all show our support that we are AGAINST dogfighting!!!

Tootles xoxo

one day...

One day ill fly away
leave all this to yesterday
what more can your love do for me?
when will love be through with me?
why live life from dream to dream?
and back where im still dreaming....?

I want to fly away from my gross fat on my body
its disguisting.
i cant even wear a dress to work an feel comfortable with myself.
i want to be sooo thin that i lose my period...
is that too much to ask?
an i dont know hway i get so frustrated with the world...
its my own fault.
im not strong enough to say no to food
im not strong enough to stick a finger down my throat when i need to
dont question my determination
i wanna be skinny more than anything
an its not that i need the motivation
im not an ugly girl an i cant get one guy to like me for me
nobody wants to be fat an lonely all their lives...
especially not me
i know my prince charming is out there....maybe he's just waitin on a skinnier damsel in distress
no prince can carry a lard ass from a castle.....its just doenst look good....
i need to be this hard on myself....
postin thinspo to help my shitty mood...
Goodnight! xoxoxo E

Dear Santa....

Lately I havent had much of an appetite. I love it!

The guy that i spoke of in the last post, its over, his girl started stalking me an it was way too stressful an i had to tell them both off. Now I'm feeling two other guys. Geez...i wish it could all be easier...

Christmas is coming an im terribly sad that i dont have enough money to give my little angel off the angel tree a bright christmas...i dont even have enough to give my siblings anything. I might have to go back to doing things that im not too proud of to make money but only for the holidays of course....nothin ILLEGAL! I do want to ask Santa for one thing this christmas...to be skinny. Im detremined more than anything to lose weight...after seeing all the pics from Nutcracker i felt i look absolutely disguisting....ill post a pic but its gross.....I NEED to lose this weight. I want people to ask "hey have you lost weight" i would love to hear "Do you eat? Youre getting too thin" but i know thatll take some time......I want to fall in love an find someone to truly love me but i need to love myself before i can begin to expect someone else to love me so that is my christmas wish.......Happy Holidays everyone! Talk to you all soon!! :)