the memoirs of the eveil stepmothers stepdaughter...

mi madre es un total
I know weve all seen the movie cinderella and how the evil stepmom treats her and how she makes a brave escape to her prince charming. Back to reality...what happens when there is no castle over the hill and just down the street...? What happens if prince charming is the bus boy two towns over? Or the drunk that hangs around the liqour store?? What if when we do get married we dont last happily ever after...? Or i begin working late and come home to find another woman? Or worse...I get so tired of thr fightin and i leave.....an never return? And the big secret of this whole fairytale nightmare is that the evil sttepmother is actually my mother. I dont like to say mom because thats too warm...and there is nothin warm about this woman.

What to do? What to do? I usually try to blog a day or two apart but i seriously just cant take it anymore. I told her that id like to volunteer for the big brother big sister program...she laughed an said youve got two younger siblings. DUH!! I have her children EVERYDAY! But she mad mouths me everytime she opens her mouth that they dont respect me at all...i ask them to do things i wanna have fun with them and its like im a big joke. They dont come to me with homework and ive actually heard my brother say ask her and my sister looked over at me and kinda brushed it off and said...uhh id rather have your help. Im not in a dorm and the witch never lets me hear the end of it!!!
When my mom was my gae she was runnin around sleepin with her boyfriend...also known as the man whose sperm helped make me. He wasnt much of a father so i call him by his first name...side story...when i was in 8th grade my mom finally took him to court for child support...i didnt know who he was until our case was called up. I hadnt seen him before seein as how he ran out on our family right after my birth. ANNNNNNND were back...so my mom messed up an had to come back home too, just as i did...except she came home with a baby. i didnt...my abuela has informed me that she didnt nag my mom about the past, she just helped her create a better future...great advice i wish my mom could live by...enough naggin...i just want someone to care. The end.

Ouch! That hurt...

SOOO i apologize if im preparing for the worst already...for heavens sake i JUST turned 20. What are your views on plastic surgery? A lot of stars use it...females an males. I'd loooove to have fat sucked out of my tummy, botox for my face and lip augmentation. I am black and i dont have thin lips BUT maybe if i just get a lil in my upper lip i could have that sexy lil pout, ya know? I think it's cute...and of course i just adore Janice Dickens lips. HOT! HOT! HOT! What age should i begin getting these? I want my lips done like now...but for botox? I want a boob reduction too. Most people dont think there is much to reduce and i agree that for my height an size my boobs fit me perfectly...BUT my personal opinion is that id like em smaller. Im 5'7, 145, with 36C cups. I dont wanna go double A cups ya know buuuut B's would be hot! Any thoughts??

Idk why im so stressed about this matter. Is society to be blamed or my family for not attackin my insecurities head on? I know in my family...i danced all my life an took a year off sophmore year of college. I'm still active but i went from dancing 6 days a week to nothing but dog walking and ocassional bike riding. I can honestly say that within that year my weight stayed within 10 pounds of what i always weighed...but my muscles dimensished and i wasnt as toned. My family noticed and it was pointed out EVERYTIME we were all together. Some even joked about it...I hated that. I still do.

I know that most people are like ummmmm CHILL OUT YOURE ONLY 20!!! This is my reasoning: My maternal side of the family are absolutely beautiful people. My great grandpa's sister died at 98 with beautiful olive toned skin and loooong silky dark gray hair. My great grandpa passed away at 96 the same and my grandma is in her 60's and has beautiful skin and hair, it was passed down to my mom and my younger sister. Unfortunately i went more after my paternal side...rather less attractive people. Is it too soon to be preparing for my inevitable fate of againg? Do i wait til its too late??? Or begin now??

Any thoughts? Would you consider tryin to beat father time? Or prefer to grow old? Know what age should plastic surgery be considered? Know anyone that has had it? Have you??

Toto i dont think were in Kansas anymore...

I think its finally hit me that im growing into adulthood. Im not sure if i like it all that much. This weekend i had the house to myself and i felt extremely mature. I was in the house an fed before midnight, did some light cleaning then in bed by 12:30am. Of course my fam was spazing about me bein alone but i survived. My cell was turned off today...my mom usually pays it but i guess money is running low. Not having a steady income sucks. I used everything in my bacnk account to have it turned on TEMPORARILY! Everything is 45 dollars...an i still owe 51...ughh! How do you cope with the transition between childhood and adulthood? Especially when youve been sheilded from it all your life an someones cuttin it off cold turkey. I dnot mind workin either...i do mind uniforms and bad smellig jobs so that cuts out fast food. I like clothing stores...i applied to work at Justice. Not a lot of places near me...i would love a little boutique job...i could be a great coyote at our coyote ugly club but im not old enough. Hooters? I dont want to be tied to negative sterotypes about hooters girls not to mentin the pressure and looks id get from my family which treat it almost as stripping. I have been an escort girl once..an that was easy money, BUT the guy i went out with paid me for a reason. He was grossly large an sweated non-stop. I felt like people that saw us together thought i was some kind of whore and that was far from the truth. I was always worried id run into friends, family or friends of the family. I have real skills too though! I can type, i can watch kids! I can teach dance! Arghh...i dont wanna grow up. :(